When I started this blog I had planned to share some of my cancer journey experiences with you. Experiences, that in hindsight, showed how hope was possible, even in seemingly hopeless situations. I had barely scratched the surface of my story when current events came crashing in (enter unexpected scan results and a biopsy). When you’re a cancer survivor, unexpected diversions become a regular, and not always welcome, part of your new life. Now that I have thankfully received good news on my biopsy (thanks again for all your positive thoughts and prayers), I want to rejoin my story where we left off -sitting in the surgeon’s office, hearing about my scheduled pelvic resection because of a rare bone cancer. If you want to refresh your memory on exactly what had happened to date, feel free to re-read my first 3 blog posts. Okay, here we go…

The morning of surgery my fiancé, sister, and I arrived at the hospital bright and early. Actually it may have been dark and early. I don’t remember. They prepped me and took me back. At this point let me mention that this was being done at a teaching hospital, so Residents were always present. They decided to start me off with an epidural, to help with pain management after the surgery. After all they were hacking out a section of my pelvic bone! This ended up being the worst decision I allowed that day. You see, a Resident was the one trying to place the epidural and she missed her target twice. Instead she drew spinal fluid both times. After the second time the attending physician said “lay her down” and that’s the last thing I remember until the recovery room. The reason I say this was the worst decision I allowed is because of the severe spinal headaches I had from the leaked spinal fluid, which changed the fluid pressure around the brain and spinal cord. For almost 2 weeks I could not lie flat nor could I stop vomiting for days. Like the pelvic resection was not enough to deal with. But I did survive and 6 days later I headed home to recuperate. It was never far from my mind that this, although a big enough deal by itself, was only step 1 of my battle. I was determined, but if I’m being totally honest I don’t know that I was hopeful. The future seemed impossible to imagine. I tried to keep my eyes on the only one who not only knew what the future held, but held the future. I clung to the truth that God’s mercies are new every morning. He promised to never leave my side. That was a glimmer of much needed hope.