For the foreseeable future

How long, exactly, is that?  According to my Orthopedic Oncological Surgeon, it is how long I have to go back to being scanned every 3 months.  As you may remember, last October were my 5-year scans. That was the appointment I was to move from 6 month to annual scans.  I was so looking forward to living in larger increments between “those” doctor’s appointments.  And then they thought they saw something and that led to a bone biopsy.  The great news is it did not show a return of the cancer! The not totally great news is it wasn’t definitive.  So now I return to 3-month scans “for the foreseeable future.”

I don’t know about you, but I don’t do well with open ended vagueness.  I want to know who, what, where, when, why, and how.  In the uncertain world of cancer, it almost never works out that way.   That’s where trust comes in.  Trust in your doctors, trust in your body (sometimes hard when you may feel it has let you down in the past), trust in what your gut is telling you, and trust in God and His plan for your life.  So, as I head into my next 3-month scans this coming week (prayers gratefully appreciated), I will choose to trust this journey will continue to work out for my best.  And that my foreseeable future will be nothing but bright.  I know it will be easier said than done, but I will choose it and then choose it again.  After all, the power to choose how we will view anything that happens in our lives is ours and ours alone.  So, let’s all choose to remain positive and enjoy each day that we are graciously given.  That’s a hopeful choice I can get behind.

 

Be Still and Know

That’s a tough one for me.  You might wonder which part and my answer is “both.”  Let’s start with “Be Still.”  In this world, how is it possible to be still?  With the constant bombardment of 24/7 news, the ability to be connected anytime and anywhere, cell phones, emails, texts, Facebook, 100s of tv channels to choose from, the internet, and seemingly endless to-do lists, how can we possibly be still?  And then add in being raised in a household where accomplishments and “doing” were valued much more than simply “being,” coupled with my type A, driven personality type and it is a recipe for anything but stillness.  What if someone saw me being still and thought I was lazy?  What value would I bring to this world if I wasn’t accomplishing something?  Who am I if I am not defined by what I do?

Then there is the “and Know.”  Where do I begin with that one?  How do we ever really know?  We can evaluate as many pieces of data as we can gather and try to assemble some level of knowing, but can we ever truly know?  Growing up I remember being told to not be ruled by my emotions.  Decisions were to be made using my logical brain and were to be based on facts.  Gut instincts were devalued or ignored completely.  I learned at an early age that what you thought out was much more accurate than what you felt.  So back to my original question, how do you know?

The last 5 years have been a master’s level course in the importance of being still and knowing.  When you are faced with life and death situations, chronic pain, fear, and uncertainties you are forced to face the importance of finding some time and space to just be still.  Turn off the electronics, phone, tv, anything that keeps you frantically busy and just be still. I find it much easier when I remove myself from my day to day environment.  It seems that there are always too many things to keep my mind racing when I’m at home.  Sometimes that’s taking a drive, going for a walk (not that easy anymore with the neuropathy), or taking a much-needed vacation.  Whatever allows my mind to disengage.  I think that’s what’s really important.  When you can get out of your head, you can begin to be.  Intuition, a concept I never believed in until recently, can begin to surface.  That’s where true knowing comes in.  I am only beginning to experience intuition and it is thrilling each and every time I actually feel/sense it. People see intuition as coming from many different sources; God, the universe, our gut.  I don’t think it really matters what you call its source, I think it’s more important that you learn to feel/sense it.  When you feel your intuition deep inside there is a level of knowing that facts and figures can never provide.  So, my recommendation is to find a place where you can truly be still and go inside yourself.  Ask what you are to know today, and just listen.  Sometimes the answer is a feeling, an image, or a sense, but often there will be some sort of answer, if we are still.  I am just beginning this knowing journey, but it is so much more real and certain than any of my left brain, fact-based journey to this point. Give it a try.  Take a walk on a beach, sit by a mountain stream, visit a park and practice just being.  You may be pleasantly surprised by what you find.