Month: August 2018

Health is a balancing act

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I used to think of health as how my body felt physically.  If I didn’t have the sniffles, a headache, joint pain, or (God forbid) a chronic disease, I was healthy.  These last few years have taught me that health is so much more than that.  True health is comprised of many different factors.  The other day I was listening to a TED talk by Dr. Lissa Rankin, where she was discussing something called “The Whole Health Cairn Model.”  She explained that to be truly healthy numerous areas of your life must be in balance and that your physical health was like the top rock in a rock cairn.  If those other areas are not shored up, your health could not rest securely in its place.

So, what are those areas?  It begins with your inner pilot light.  That still, small voice in the deepest part of your being.  Some call it your gut or intuition.  If you aren’t taking the time to be still and listen to what your intuition knows better than your thinking brain ever could, you are missing the foundation of true health.  In a world of constant noise, rushing, and data overload it is tough to find that time to be still, but if you don’t make that time you will miss out on all that your life can be.  Then there are the many other areas that make up your life: relationships, work/life purpose, spirituality, creativity, sexuality, environment, money, and mental health.  All of those areas contribute to the state of your physical health.  If any of them are out of balance (and who doesn’t have one or more of them out of balance at any given time?), your physical health is at risk. That really got me thinking about my ongoing quest for what I think of as good health.  I spend so much effort on what I eat, the supplements I take, the positive affirmations I state, the alternative treatments I pursue, but do I put that same level of effort into my creativity or life purpose?

She went on to discuss the importance of including some type of love, activities that bring you pleasure, acts of service to others, and gratitude for all you have already been given into your life to support your whole health cairn. This all seems like a lot to juggle, but I took away from her talk that whole health is so much more than what I thought of as health.  That life is made up of so many different areas and they all contribute to or take away from our whole health.  And then she said something that made me stop and back up her talk to hear it again.

When life falls apart you either grow or you grow a tumor.

What!?!? I don’t know about you, but that caught me up short.  All of the periods in my life where areas in my health cairn were falling apart, I had a choice.  I could resist, hunker down, and try desperately to hang onto to how things were, or I could surrender to something greater than myself and grow.  Given the fact that I grew a tumor, I think you know which one I usually chose.  So now that I know better I will try to do better.  In those “falling apart” times I will now try to choose surrender and growth. How is your whole health cairn doing? Is it strong and balanced or is it leaning or in a pile?  Pay some attention to what areas are weakest and shore them up.  Grow from the hardest things you are facing today.  Learn from my mistakes.  Whole health is precious and definitely worth the work!

 

Miraculous find

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I often get the question, “How did they find your cancer?”  That simple question does not have a simple answer. You see, there were no symptoms. I thought I had a bladder infection and called my primary care physician for an antibiotic.  She was on vacation and the doctor filling in for her thought it would be a good idea for me to see a Urologist.  I didn’t understand why because I was not prone to bladder infections, but the idea of just going to Urgent Care for the prescription never crossed my mind (and that is something that would have always crossed my mind).  Begrudgingly I scheduled an appointment with the recommended Urologist because I needed an antibiotic.  He put me through the torture chamber of testing that only Urologists do, said he thought I was right and probably had a bladder infection (I know, right?), but wanted me to go for a CT of my kidneys to rule out kidney stones.  Now if you know me at all you know I drink more water than anyone you have ever met, so the odds I had kidney stones were slim to none.  I wasn’t experiencing any pain, but this is what he wanted done before he would give me an antibiotic.  Again, why didn’t I just go to Urgent Care?

The next day I went in for my pelvic CT.  I was so glad they had a cancelation because I really needed that antibiotic.  As I was driving home from the scan, my cell phone rang.  It was my Urologist’s office asking me to stop by on my way home.  Yay, I was finally going to get my prescription!  When I arrived, the receptionist looked anxious and immediately took me back to the doctor’s office.  She assured me he would be right in, she just needed to pull him out of the examination room.  I thought it was odd that he was that willing to personally hand me my much-needed prescription, but as long as I was getting it I didn’t care.  When he entered the room, he looked concerned.  He told me he had good news and he had bad news.  The good news was I didn’t have kidney stones and he handed me my antibiotic prescription.  The bad news was I had a hole in my pelvic bone and needed to see my Oncologist right away!  My first thought was “what Oncologist?”  He proceeded to tell me it appeared my cancer had returned and metastasized to my pelvic bone.  My head was spinning.  I had never had cancer.  I didn’t have an Oncologist.  What is he talking about?  When I explained all this to him he immediately called my primary care physician (who was back from vacation), spoke to her, and then called over to the local hospital’s Oncology practice to schedule me ASAP.

A few days later I found myself in an Oncologist’s office.  When she entered she introduced herself and then said “I have reviewed your scan and think you have stage 4 multiple myeloma and probably won’t see Christmas.” What is it with these doctors?!?  Did I mention I was alone in her office when she delivered this news?  All I could think to say is “Do I look like someone who has stage 4 multiple myeloma?” She said no, but she couldn’t imagine what else it could be.  She scheduled me for a multitude of tests.

Each test came back normal.  When I would heave a sigh of relief and say “that’s great!” she would respond “no, no it’s not.”  She wanted to know what caused the hole and I was just glad all the tests came back normal. This cat and mouse game continued for 2 months.  There were bone scans, CTs, blood tests, all coming back normal.  Next was the CT guided needle biopsy into my pelvic bone. Not fun this time either.  The biopsy came back as healthy tissue.  I thought this nightmare was behind me. Then she told me I had to have an open incision biopsy at a hospital 1 ½ – 2 hours away.  I was done.  I had completed every test and scan she recommended.  It was about this time that I told her that when you’re a carpenter and the only tool you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.  But God had other plans.  He wasn’t going to let me come this far and not cross the finish line. She then offered to take my case to “The Tumor Board.”  I didn’t even know there was such a thing, but I thought they would think she had done enough and maybe I was just born with a misshaped pelvic bone.  After all, I had never had a CT of my pelvic bone before. I agreed.  They unanimously agreed with her.  The appointment with the Orthopedic Oncological Surgeon (who just “happened” to be ranked #1 in the country at the time) was scheduled.

When I met with him he also thought it was not cancer.  He ordered an MRI with contrast just to make sure. That was about the only test they hadn’t done yet.  When the results came back they were inconclusive, so he called the Oncologist to recommend watching it.  She would not agree.  She really felt it was cancer.  He talked with me and said he did not think it was cancer, but had to pursue it further, if she would not sign off on his recommendation.  To say I was not happy with that Oncologist was an understatement. It wasn’t that I was in denial, it was that I thought I had had enough tests to determine there was no cancer. We decided to go through with the open incision biopsy to put this to rest once and for all.  And as I wrote about in an earlier blog, it did end up being a really aggressive, really rare form of bone cancer (Undifferentiated Pleomorphic Sarcoma).

When I reflect over all the details of this miraculous find I can’t help but be amazed at how God orchestrated all this.  First of all, He allowed it to be found before there were symptoms (and it would be too late).  For some reason it never occurred to me that I should just go to Urgent Care and get an antibiotic prescription (which would normally be my first thought in this situation).  I also didn’t mention that the bladder infection that drove me to the doctor in the first place ended up testing negative for infection after all and the symptoms stopped as soon as the CT found the hole in my pelvic bone.  Then there was the Oncologist who I not so affectionately dubbed “Dr. Pitbull.”  She continued to dig, even when all the signs were that this was nothing.  She even stood up to a much more experienced physician, whose specialty was bone cancer, when he recommended taking a step back and just watching it.  Another thing that happened, after the biopsy determined it was cancer, was that I knew I couldn’t go through all this alone in Pennsylvania, where I was living.  It “just so happens” the #2 Orthopedic Oncological Surgeon was in New York, where my fiancé lived, and the first surgeon was friends with him and got me in within a week of the biopsy results.  And God had brought my fiancé and I back together just months before all this started.  There is no doubt that I wouldn’t have lived through the treatment without the dedicated and loving 24/7 care he provided.  Was any of this a coincidence?  I don’t think so.  Did any of this surprise God?  No, but it sure did surprise me.  When the times came that didn’t seem anything but hopeless over the next year+, I reflected on all the details associated with my miraculous find and knew God was with me.  I still think back on all that transpired when I find myself becoming fearful of the future and choose to believe God allowed me to survive for some greater purpose. I am still here and so are you. We all have a purpose and until my purpose is completed I will continue to share my story of hope with those I cross paths.  It’s not that I feel hopeful each and every day, but I do know God is with me.  He has shown that time and time again throughout this journey.  There is great hope in that!