You may be asking yourself, has Hopeful Survivor fallen off the face of the earth?  Is something wrong?  Did she decide to stop blogging and never tell anyone?  The answer to all these questions is “No.”  I am painfully aware that I have been MIA lately.  I haven’t blogged in a while for two main reasons. One is that I have had one health issue after another.  None are life threatening (thank God) and after a cancer diagnosis I feel like non-life-threatening ills shouldn’t count.  But they do.  They still make you feel lousy, sap your energy, and lead to discouragement.  It all began with a UTI in September, followed by the lead up to my regularly scheduled cancer scans (which always cause worry and anxiety).  Before I even learned my results (yay, they were clear!), I started with the symptoms of what I now call “The Plague.”  I am not trying to be melodramatic, but after two doctor visits (in which I was told it is not the flu, but will last and feel like it), and 7 weeks flat on my back, I didn’t know what else to call it.  A cold just didn’t seem to adequately describe it. Thanksgiving this year was spent in bed, as my wonderful husband made our Thanksgiving dinner, complete with turkey, for just the two of us.  That took me into December and yet another UTI.  And let’s not forget the ever-present peripheral neuropathy.  So, blogging wasn’t exactly in the forefront of my mind.

The second and bigger reason was that I didn’t feel like I had anything to say.  I truly feel that this blog is a calling for me.  If I am being honest, I would prefer not to do it, as I am normally a very private person.  But I know that I know that I know that I lived through my cancer battle for a reason. I never forget that my prayer during that time was if I had to go through all this, that it not be wasted. I also know that, when diagnosed, I searched for one person who had lived with my very rare form of cancer (Undifferentiated Pleomorphic Sarcoma of the pelvis) and couldn’t find anyone.  I thought that if one other person had survived, then I could too.  So now I offer myself as that person for those of you who feel hopeless and despondent. That is my message, so I actually do have something to say.  If you are feeling that life isn’t fair, you are correct.  If you are feeling like you can’t take one more thing added to the long list of things you are currently dealing with, I am right there with you. But if you feel like you can’t go on, you are wrong.  You can go on and life can get better!  Maybe not in a linear fashion, getting a little better every day, but it can get better. Hope plays a huge part in that. There is always hope that tomorrow may be better than today, or at least next year may be better than this year. If we give up hope, there really is no reason to continue fighting the fight or take the next step on our journey (whatever that journey may be).  I am still here for a reason and I believe it is to help spread hope to the hopeless.  If you are feeling hopeless in one or many areas of your life right now, I am here. I understand and I care. Sometimes listening, encouraging, and refusing to give up on each other is why we are here.  I AM HERE!!