There’s something very special about first loves.  I experienced it back when I was 15 and it positively changed my life from that point forward.  We were both part of a Christian singing group and had the wonderful opportunity to tour locally in New York state, various locations around the United States, and in Europe.  But as young kids often do, I wanted to see what else was out there, so after a year and a half together, I dumped him.  We went our separate ways.

Fast forward 35 years and many separate life experiences (mine in Pennsylvania and his in New York).  Our singing group had a reunion (coincidentally or not, organized by my first love) and I decided to attend.  We knew almost immediately that our feelings for each other had never really changed, but how could this work?  To make a very long and emotional story short, 11 months later we were engaged.  Two months after that I received my cancer diagnosis.  A lesser man would have backed away, after all this is not what he signed up for.  Not my guy!  He pulled me close, said he loved me, and we would do this together.  And then he told me something I will never forget.  “I knew God brought us back together, but now I know why He brought us back together right now, so I could take care of you through this.”  We were married between chemo cycles 4 and 5, because we were determined to not spend one more minute of our lives apart.  He is selfless love personified to me and I am forever grateful.  I often think about a statement made by Mike Dooley, author of “Notes from the Universe.”  He was discussing perspective and said something like, “if you are struggling with pain in your right knee, focus on your left knee and be grateful that your left knee doesn’t hurt.  You are not denying your right knee hurts, you are just choosing to be grateful that your left knee does not.”   I now understand that sometimes reasons for hope during dark times are right in front of you (as close as a loved one).  It doesn’t remove the dark situation, but it serves as a reminder that there is hope in the midst of it.

It seems like every day I hear someone say how blessed they are.  It usually sounds something like this – “I love my new job, I’m blessed,” “I just booked a once in a lifetime vacation, I’m so blessed,” “My spouse is such a thoughtful person, boy am I blessed.”  It makes me wonder, what about people who don’t love their jobs, can’t afford a fancy vacation, or don’t have a spouse who hangs the moon (or don’t have a spouse at all)?  Are they not blessed?  A blessing, in that context, is something that is given to you, maybe by God or a friend.  If you are enduring a particularly difficult time, are you less blessed by God than your friend who seems to have everything going their way right now?  No.  So, for me, the phrase is “I’m grateful.”

Gratitude is not something that is given to you (like a blessing), it is something you give toward someone else.  The focus is completely different.  You can be grateful for wonderful things that are happening in your life (like a great job, wonderful vacation, or amazing loved one), but you can also be grateful for hard times, because of the things you learn.  I would never say I was blessed by having gone through cancer, but there are aspects of that time that I am grateful for.  It showed me how loved I am, how strong I am, and how faithful my God is.

Robert Emmons, Ph.D., writes: “In the face of demoralization, gratitude has the power to energize. In the face of brokenness, gratitude has the power to heal. In the face of despair, gratitude has the power to bring hope. In other words, gratitude can help us cope with hard times.”

So, during this Thanksgiving season, remember all the things you have to be grateful for (whether they are blessings or not).  That is sure to bring some hope, no matter your current path.