Tag: Peace

Seeing others through the lens of your heart

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Last week I found myself sitting in the waiting room of a breast imaging office.  It had been one year since my surprise breast cancer diagnosis and I was back for my annual scans.  In the past year I have undergone surgery, radiation, and the necessary follow-ups, but this was the first time they were specifically looking for any new developments.  To say I was anxious was an understatement.

As I was waiting to hear my name called by the Radiation Tech I noticed a woman, sitting a few seats away, with tears in her eyes.  I recognized the look of fear and uncertainty, as I am sure I have had a similar look many times over the last few years.  My heart immediately went out to her and I said “These scans can be really scary, can’t they?”  She began to cry and went on to explain she had recently noticed a lump, had a mammogram, and was referred to a breast surgeon.  She had seen the surgeon this morning and was now waiting to be called back for her biopsy.  As she continued, she expressed fear that it was cancer (as breast cancer ran in her family), she didn’t know if the surgeon she was referred to was a good one, and that this time of year was such an awful time for all this to be happening.  I was immediately drawn back to last year when I was experiencing the exact same emotions and concerns.

I asked her who the surgeon was that she had just met and the name she mentioned was my surgeon.  He was wonderful!  So compassionate, caring, willing to take whatever time you needed, and so knowledgeable and experienced in his field.  I immediately told her what great hands she was in and shared my very positive experience with him.  I also shared that I knew exactly what she was going through, as I was sitting where she now is just one year ago.  She asked me many questions about my diagnosis and subsequent treatments and seemed a little less fearful and alone.  I was never so thankful for an appointment running behind before and knew God had placed me in that exact seat, at that exact time, for just this reason.  We exchanged names and I told her I would be praying for her in the coming weeks.  She began to cry again, but this time from a place of some relief and a feeling of being heard and understood.

Just a few short years ago I don’t think I would have noticed a woman, emotionally distraught, sitting in a waiting room with me.  If I had I am not sure I would have engaged, as I wouldn’t have had any idea what I should say.  But that day I was there, present and willing to connect with another human being in need.  I was willing to see with my heart and not just my eyes.

I was called back just a few minutes later and prayed for her as I changed for my scans.  The wonderful news is my scans were clear and the surgeon doesn’t feel I need to be scanned again for another year.  I am so thankful, but am also very aware that it doesn’t always go that way.  My mammogram friend has been so on my mind and in my heart over the last week.  I will continue to pray for her as she awaits her pathology results and makes any necessary decisions over the next few weeks and months.  And I continue to be grateful that I was there that day and was able to see someone in pain instead of just being lost in my own fear over the tests of the day.

As this holiday season fast approaches, let’s all look for ways to see others through our hearts and not just with our eyes.  There are so many hurting people all around us who need our smile, kind glance, or willing ear.  Be on the lookout for opportunities to be for others what we sometimes need others to be for us.  Wishing each of you a peace that passes all understanding during this holiday season.

 

Radiation, but no chemo!

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Consultation after consultation.  More doctors’ appointments than I could keep straight.  I just looked back through my calendar and this is the list of who I saw just in January: Surgeon, Oncologist, Palliative Care, Dietician, Cancer Rehab, Radiation Oncologist, and Social Worker.  Thank goodness for good insurance.  The consensus was no chemotherapy was warranted (thank God), but daily whole breast radiation with a boost to the tumor site was recommended.  That began in February and completed in March.  April is mainly dedicated to recovery from the radiation treatment, physical therapy/rehab, my covid vaccines, and the start of daily maintenance meds (an aromatase inhibitor to suppress my estrogen production) for the next five years.  Please pray the side effects from that medication are minimal.  I am thankful for modern medical advancements, but am tired, both physically and mentally.

That was a long way to say I am well on the road to recovery and thank each one of you for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers over these last few months!  A cancer diagnosis is something no one ever wants, but far too many of us experience. We can do all we know to do to reduce our chances, but there is nothing that is guaranteed to make us bulletproof.  So, I continue to eat healthfully (whole food, plant based), work on my mental health (PTSD is a very real part of these journeys), and pray this is the last time I face this disease.  I know many of you have been affected by cancer or have someone close to you who has.  There is so much fear associated with this diagnosis.  I recently read “Courage is fear that has said its prayers.” So, I pray.  I pray for courage to just do the next thing and a peace that passes all understanding.  I pray that for every one of you as well.  Let’s embrace the comfort and hope that is found in community and continue doing this thing called life together!

 

Don’t let what you don’t know get ahead of what you do know

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Words to live by!  These are the words shared by a friend of ours whose daughter has been recently diagnosed with leukemia.  They are words she is holding on to daily.  And they are words we would all do well to embrace.  Unfortunately, life has a way of giving us many situations during our lives where, if we look too far in the future, we are totally overwhelmed. Your mind starts sprinting (or hopping) down every bunny trail it encounters.  What if this happens?  What if we receive this news?  What if we are told this is the next step?  What if we aren’t given a next step?  What if…?

I am as guilty of this as any one of you, but where does it get us?  Scared, paralyzed, unable to make reasonable decisions, unable to sleep.  Not a place that any of us want to find ourselves.

I am reminded of a conversation I had many years ago.  I was in the middle of a really contentious divorce that I saw no end to, was looking for a job (because of the divorce), had just moved from my home of 14 years (again, because of the divorce), and my father was dying and had asked that my sister and I help him die at home.  So, I was trying to handle all that was going on back home in Pennsylvania and staying for weeks at a time in New York, facing the daily stresses of losing a parent needing 24-hour care.  One of my parents’ pastors came to the house to visit with my dad and took the time out to talk to me about how all this was impacting me. I explained how totally overwhelmed I felt.  How I couldn’t see a way to handle all the things I saw on my horizon (both physically and emotionally).  He shared something I will never forget.

As background here, this man was dealing with his own scary unknown.  His son had been diagnosed with a disease that had no cure.  They knew exactly how he would die, the steps the disease would progress through, and what tomorrow would mean.  Yet they were functioning and seemingly thriving.  I asked how. And this is what he said.

We cling to a verse in the Bible: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

He went on to explain that God provides the mercies we need every morning for that day and that day alone.  If we try to live further in the future than that, we don’t have God’s mercies for that situation yet.  At first I thought, that’s easier said than done, and then I remembered what he was facing. If that was how he made it through the day, then it was worth trying.

So, when you face situations you just don’t know how you can handle, remember these ideas:

  • Don’t dream up worst case scenarios and run down every possible bunny trail. Don’t let what you don’t know get ahead of what you do know.  Put one foot in front of the other and deal with only what is right in front of you right now.
  • Remember that God will provide you the mercies you need today for today. And He will provide you the mercies you need tomorrow for tomorrow.  Try to live in today’s mercies.  Accept them, thank Him, and once again put one foot in front of the other.

 

Counseling Rocks!!!

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I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t raised in a family that encouraged counseling.  We were taught to be strong and self-sufficient.  Fear and failure were signs of weakness.  And most of all, we should take our struggles to God, not man. Now taking your struggles to God is a wonderful idea, but people sometimes also need trained counselors to deal with their issues (at least I do).  It took many years to arrive at this realization, but I am so glad arrive I did. The last three years have been a wonderful, painful, emotionally bare, learning time that I am so grateful for.  But all good things must come to an end.  My perfect counselor (perfect for me) retired at the end of April.  I didn’t see that coming.  I think I needed counseling to deal with the loss of my counselor, but alas, my counselor was retiring.  Now what do I do?

After many tears with both my counselor and husband, my husband uttered these wonderful words…

This chapter is ending, but the next chapter is only a page away.  You only have to turn the page.

So, turn the page I will.  Part of that page turning involves looking back on the many lessons I have learned during those years.  One of those lessons was the importance of listening to that still, small, God-given voice deep down inside.  My upbringing valued left brain, logical, fact-based decision making.  My career in finance and project management reinforced those values.  But when life deals you those unexpected, “never thought it would happen to me” cards, cards that can’t be reasoned or “logic’d” out, you have to open yourself to something more.  Without that possibility, life feels unmanageable.  So, I try to listen more.  I try to “feel” more.  I try to step out of that “only left brained” mentality and consider other possibilities. I try to live in the moment, instead of the past and future (this is still a major work in progress).  All of this is new to me, but I believe it is critically important for my well-being.

Another important lesson has to do with loving my inner child.  We all have past hurts that impact our decisions and reactions to this day. Hurts that may cause us to treat ourselves and others in a way that is less than ideal.  Hurts that have led us to some unhealthy coping mechanisms that have carried into our adult lives.  Our adult self needs to love that small child, thank them for all they did to get us to this point, and assure them that you can take it from here.  We are much better equipped to handle the situations we find ourselves in than that young, wounded child anyway.  Identifying this is the first step in healing that inner child in all of us.

I was recently reading the “Best Self Newsletter” and I came across this statement by Kristen Noel which says it better than I could…

Your Inner Child may have learned coping mechanisms that saved your life as a child, but those coping behaviors don’t have to rule your life as an adult.  Grace is found in moments of silence when you take the hand of your fearful inner child and you whisper, ‘Thank you. You’ve done an awesome job getting me here. I honor the bumps in the road that you have endured, but I’ve got this now. You needn’t be fearful anymore.’

Those are only two lessons I take away from the last three years of counseling.  There are far too many to count, but I can tell you that I am forever changed. So, if you need someone to talk to, go find a counselor that is your perfect fit.  Interview a bunch, if you need to (I kissed a few frogs before I found my Prince Charming).  Don’t settle for just anyone.  This relationship may be one of the most important relationships you will ever have.  You didn’t marry the first guy you ever dated, did you (maybe you did and you’re blissfully happy, but you get where I’m coming from)?  And I leave you with one more quote.  This time from my all-time favorite musical, “Wicked.”  It is for you, Mark, if you are reading this…

I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn.  And we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them.  And we help them in return.  Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true, but I know I’m who I am today because I knew you.  I do believe I have been changed for the better.  Because I knew you… because I knew you… I have been changed for good.

 

Let go of worry

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Are you someone who can take life as it comes, ride any wave that comes your way with ease, shrug off life’s uncertainties? No, me neither.  I tend to think everything to death, chase down every bunny trail, and try to plan for whatever may come.  That leads to a lot of worry.  What could happen next, how would we handle it, am I prepared?  That tendency became reinforced during my cancer battle. After all, I was fighting for my life.  I had to anticipate any and all things that may kill me, right?  Living like that is no fun, nor is it really living.  Every day is such a blessing.  So many others will not have that opportunity.

I have been following two sweet little children who are fighting different types of childhood cancer.  They were both diagnosed at age two.  Numerous surgeries and rounds of chemotherapy later, both of them had relapses and one has passed.  The other seems to be out of options, as it has metastasized to his lungs and bones. It just doesn’t seem fair!  Their lives were just beginning.

So, in a world where so many unthinkable things happen on a daily basis, how can you worry less?  I am not unrealistic enough to think we would not worry at all, but that is definitely my goal.  One of my favorite quotes by Corrie tenBoom, a Nazi concentration camp survivor, says

Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength–carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.

What wise words, from someone who had every reason to worry.  Few of us will ever experience the level of emotional and physical distress that she did, and yet God gave her a spirit of peace in the midst of it.  I think that’s the lesson for me.  Life will provide many opportunities for worry, but God has promised to never leave us during those times.  He never promised we wouldn’t have to walk through them or that it would be easy, but He promised we wouldn’t have to do it alone.  In that promise is great hope.  Let’s face it, today needs all the strength it can get, so let’s send worry packing!